You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
