Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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