"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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