You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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