Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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