i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
