I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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