All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
