i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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