Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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