Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
