Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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