how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
