whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
