I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Actions speak louder than pants.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
