singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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