I want to make a zoo with you.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize