I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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