Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you made out with another girl for some wings
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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