Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just threw up on my dentist
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize