Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
