Can i not drive my cunt home
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
