fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
