I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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