About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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