let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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