When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
