We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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