I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
