OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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