we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
