you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
