Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize