I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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