I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
