Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
