I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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