I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
