you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize