He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize