so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i think i have two assholes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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