two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
