So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He felt like a one man threesome
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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