I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
