i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
