So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Randomize
