I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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