If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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