And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
