Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
