can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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