I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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