Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
