Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.