Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.

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(434): I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach. http://tfl.nu/7n8a

Replies (14) Good night (4226) Bad night (733)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.

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(815): I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe. http://tfl.nu/z3x3

Replies (43) Good night (8111) Bad night (2110)
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(303): View more from Colorado

Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?

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(303): Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog? http://tfl.nu/kw07

Replies (13) Good night (1893) Bad night (2776)
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(631): View more from New York

You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.

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(631): You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning. http://tfl.nu/qol4

Replies (5) Good night (3530) Bad night (1045)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment

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(505): so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment http://tfl.nu/9rz9

Replies (9) Good night (5138) Bad night (2064)
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(949): View more from California

it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable

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(949): it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable http://tfl.nu/8shm

Replies (13) Good night (3801) Bad night (1326)
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(614): View more from Ohio

the wall and i were having dominance issues.

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(614): the wall and i were having dominance issues. http://tfl.nu/itlm

Replies (7) Good night (2727) Bad night (2049)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.

(1-304): View more from West Virginia

Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?

(304): View more from West Virginia

No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.

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(304): I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us. (1-304): Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat? (304): No there was a goat. I gave it a donut. http://tfl.nu/bds8

Replies (15) Good night (6719) Bad night (1189)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.

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(610): Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud. http://tfl.nu/pb1f

Replies (8) Good night (2552) Bad night (871)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I'm off the liquor

(1-403): View more from Alberta, CA

You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick

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(403): I'm off the liquor (1-403): You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick http://tfl.nu/sglp

Replies (7) Good night (2118) Bad night (737)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.

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(918): I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now. http://tfl.nu/hh6j

Replies (4) Good night (392) Bad night (612)
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(706): View more from Georgia

Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting

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(706): Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting http://tfl.nu/0ok9

Replies (2) Good night (758) Bad night (481)
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(517): View more from Michigan

He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"

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(517): He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science" http://tfl.nu/nwfg

Replies (0) Good night (724) Bad night (367)
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(323): View more from California

IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.

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(323): IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME. http://tfl.nu/tf8f

Replies (4) Good night (637) Bad night (297)
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(716): View more from New York

It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?

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(716): It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going? http://tfl.nu/me0b

Replies (2) Good night (659) Bad night (328)

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