i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.