Texts From Last Night

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  (925): View more from California

  dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning

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  (925): dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning http://tfl.nu/k939
  Replies (20) Good night (5607) Bad night (1122)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.

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  (954): thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much. http://tfl.nu/ll22
  Replies (27) Good night (7701) Bad night (1315)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had

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  (480): we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had http://tfl.nu/e6dk
  Replies (16) Good night (4933) Bad night (1041)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two

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  (617): I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two http://tfl.nu/3vhn
  Replies (6) Good night (3350) Bad night (1524)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...

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  (303): Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks... http://tfl.nu/ccgl
  Replies (6) Good night (6334) Bad night (945)
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  (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it

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  (867): lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it http://tfl.nu/o5td
  Replies (9) Good night (1858) Bad night (4382)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...

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  (570): Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings... http://tfl.nu/2ar0
  Replies (6) Good night (1023) Bad night (2213)
• Favorite

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job

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  (918): Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job http://tfl.nu/tafk
  Replies (7) Good night (3009) Bad night (802)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?

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  (309): Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else? http://tfl.nu/zqde
  Replies (5) Good night (827) Bad night (453)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.

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  (734): Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke. http://tfl.nu/ywvx
  Replies (1) Good night (394) Bad night (778)
• Favorite

  (316): View more from Kansas

  I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.

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  (316): I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas. http://tfl.nu/msox
  Replies (0) Good night (712) Bad night (396)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.

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  (386): Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it. http://tfl.nu/ijpo
  Replies (6) Good night (528) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.

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  (570): If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit. (1-570): As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no. http://tfl.nu/hlm9
  Replies (4) Good night (1366) Bad night (533)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Also, I found your gauge.

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.

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  (570): Also, I found your gauge. (570): I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy. http://tfl.nu/i63l
  Replies (1) Good night (501) Bad night (526)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.

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  (503): Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it. http://tfl.nu/8pyf
  Replies (1) Good night (490) Bad night (335)

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