Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.