don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
