i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize