I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
