A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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