I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
