so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
