like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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