Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
