All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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