im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
