You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
