One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
