I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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