Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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