you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
