I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
