Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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